The Other Side of Adoption

My husband was adopted at birth. The story his mom told him growing up led him to believe that his biological mother already had the family she wanted, so she didn't want him. His mom also wasn't the picture perfect adoptive mother you have in your mind. The disease of alcoholism and addiction were ever present, which eventually led to him moving in with his aunt Pat, an incredible woman who I always considered my mother-in-law. Pat was awesome! So awesome that I don't think he would ever wish his childhood had happened any differently.

But no matter how an adopted child grows up, I imagine every single one has a curiosity like a dull ache at the back of their mind and in the bottom of their heart. Who was she? Why? 

Chris has been searching for years. Years. He had been told that his biological mom, we'll call her J from here on out, had other children...siblings to him. But he didn't know if that was true. 

All he's ever really known for sure was her name. 

Until now...

A little over a month ago, I had to go onto ancestry.com to find information on Nanny's deceased husband for her life insurance policy. While I was in there, I typed in the name, just out of curiosity. I found a marriage license from 1971, but it seemed like nothing. Within 15 minutes I cancelled my trial membership without telling Chris what I found. It was nothing after all. 

A couple of days later we got an email from the site reminding us of our 'hint', aka the marriage license. Chris saw it and thought it might actually be something. So he dug in, using social media and public records to piece together puzzle pieces he wasn't even sure came from the same box. 

It turns out they did. He found a lady that really seemed to be J. He created a fake Facebook page with his original last name (before his father adopted him at the age of 3, giving him the last name Holohan) and sent her a message. It's a weird thing, writing to someone, asking them if they're your mother. (A children's book comes to mind...) And then fearing the worst. Not that she isn't the one, but that she is, and she never wanted to be found. 

He heard nothing. So he wrote her sister. A few days later Chris woke up to a response. The sister wrote back, admitting that J was indeed the person he was searching for, that she was his aunt, and that Chris has a half-sister who had looked for him, wanting to find him and know him!

After hearing from her sister, J checked Facebook. She wrote to Chris, and they both tested the other on facts, to be sure they were the right match. J is the one! Not only is she the one, but the story he grew up believing was not entirely true. That story is not mine to tell, but suffice it to say, J is so happy that he found her, and has wondered about him these 35 years. 

His sister, we'll call her D, is flying here this Wednesday to meet him! We've both talked to her on the phone, and we are beyond excited for this first step! 

Chris has also spoken to J on the phone, and she seems incredibly warm and kind. Soon after this visit with D, we will be planning his reunion with J. 

Can you imagine? Here I am, next to Chris, watching all of this unfold. And I'm so happy for him! He's never been without family. Even when his mom was absent, he had Pat. Even though Pat passed away in 2003, he's always had his dad's side of the family in Illinois, and still does. They are his family. But this hole, this question and curiosity, is now being filled, answered, satisfied. And in the best possible way...with love and acceptance. 

We had high hopes for 2015, but we never imagined this! For Chris, J and both families on either side, this has been a lot to process. Overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe it. But it's good and exciting. 

So you see, we're on the other side of adoption. We aren't the parents looking to adopt a new child into our family, at least not today. Chris is that child, now grown. And at last he has all the right puzzle pieces in the right box. But now he has to put all those pieces together. He's getting to ask all the questions he's always wanted answers to. Stay tuned, I believe there's a lot more to come!

http://www.momresource.com/mom-blogs-party-week-4/