Wednesday, October 22, 2014

What Kind of Mom do I Want to Be?



This is one of the questions my little sister asked me yesterday in an interview for her Human Growth and Development class. My answer...the kind of mom I am when I am the best version of myself.

Obvious answers would be a good mom, a great mom, the best mom on the freaking planet. But will I ever be the best mom on earth? (Another obvious answer)

The truth is I am a good mom. Sometimes I'm a great mom. But sometimes I'm not. 

My kids are sweet, obedient, loving, adorable, smart, fun, frustrating, naughty, mean, needy, human. And so am I. 

Here's what I know about myself: when I am the best version of myself, I am kind, patient, gracious, fun, attentive, happy, great. I hear compliments from friends and family alike on what an amazing mother I am. 

But there are days when I'm tired, emotional, moody, red-headed, and just no fun to be around. I am easily frustrated and incredibly impatient, and I'm not the mom I want to be. Not many people see this side of me.

And so I've realized I am always the best version of myself when I'm in front of others. I hate admitting it, but it's true. This is not to say that I am always the opposite when no one is watching. I am a good mom most of the time. And it's not a matter of trying to impress people or hear my mothering techniques being praised...I'm simply more aware of how I am behaving when we're in public. At home, the most comfortable place, I let my guard down and I don't watch myself as closely. I don't neglect them or hurt them or anything like that, but I am quickly frustrated. Instead of calmly handling a fight between the girls, I ask what in the world they're fighting about in an exasperated tone. Anyone with me?

I am trying to be more aware of how I handle the many situations that arise at home every day. But some days are harder, and yesterday was one of them. I woke up tired and irritable, and I knew I would have a hard time being the best me. So I took the kids out to the store and a wonderful friend of mine came along with her kids. And the nine of us, (yes 9), had a really good time. I just needed a change of scenery and a friend. 

If you know my kids, you know how amazing they are. They deserve the best mom on the planet. And since I will probably never achieve that status, I will try every single day to be the best version of myself. 

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